Good McMorning to you

My grandmother used to say “Red sky at night, sailor’s delight. Red sky at morning, Sailor take warning”. I suppose this only applies to living on the water, but I think this to myself every time I see a red dawn like this. There are an awful lot of red dawns here, which means that I am thinking about my grandmother an awful lot. I don’t have a hundred words for how I feel at the moment. A hundred isn’t enough.

Coldplay.

A warning sign, I missed the good part, and I realized, you were an island, and I passed you by, you were an island to discover. Come on in, I’ve got to tell you what a state I’m in, I’ve got to tell you in my loudest tone, that I started looking for a warning sign. And the truth is, that I missed you, yeah the truth is, I missed you so. And I’m tired, I should not have let you go. So I crawled back into your open arms, yeah I crawled back into your open arms…98, 99, 100.

Making up for it (no post yesterday)

So we’re all sitting at the kitchen table and the kids are playing in the living room, when The Man comes in the back yard. I look out the window and he stops at the corner of the walkway, slowly gets down and flops on the grass. The dog is jumping all over him and he’s petting her and just lying there on the lawn like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Considering he hates the dog, and being outside makes him itchy, I know this is anything but “natural”.  Eventually he gets up and comes into the house, and I ask him what he was doing; “did you fall down?” “Are you high or something?”. He replies that he hasn’t had a chance to lie on the grass all summer and it just looked so nice he had to try.  One of the kids pipes up with “WE THOUGHT YOU WAS DEAD BUT WE SAW’D YOUR BELLY MOVING SO WE KNOWED YOU WASN’T DEAD”.  After the spontaneous refrigerator cleanout and the pothole filling in the driveway, I’m starting to wonder whether I’m dead and maybe this is as close to heaven as I’m ever going to get.

Pooetry. Not a misspell.

Moonlight and shadows
Softly together
Like lovers
Moving
Against each other
Silently, slowly
In the night

And the small child walks in to ask “Mom, what are you writing?”  To which I reply, “None of your damn business, sit down and eat your breakfast”

Sniffle, slurrp, cough, and he cranes his head around to peek at the monitor. I would like to poke him in the eye. And the dog starts barking outside, and my coffee is cold, and I look at the clock for the fortieth time and I wonder; will I ever be free? And that’s bad poetry.

weary, bleary, dreary

What, have I been acting a little dark and dreary for you? Don’t get me wrong, my existence isn’t all that bleak. I’m just a little short sighted and a lot tired.  Some people complain that there aren’t enough hours in a day. Hm, there are plenty of hours in the “day”… I want to add about 6 to the night! At least 2-3 to the beginning so I can go be a grownup and ease the stress, and then another 3 before morning so I can get some bloody SLEEP! I would give anything to feel rested for once.

Replaceable.

There is no winning. There is nobody to do this for me when I can’t. So I must always be the one. When I fail, or just can’t get up that one more time, I have to get up and do it anyway. There are some days when I would love to be replaceable. Maybe I am. What if I just didn’t get up. Who would really suffer? Maybe they would suddenly realize that they could manage without me! Would I count that as a success? Would anybody thank me for all I gave? Would I rejoice in becoming obsolete?

Date Night

I love date night. We get a chance to get out and do something “grown up”, not worry about what time we get home. It’s a chance to get our minds off everything that’s going on, everything that’s going horribly wrong. We can pretend we’re happy and just enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes we go to the movies, sometimes we go to dinner- I remember once, we sent the kid out to sleep over, and we just stayed home. The best part about date night is the fighting. The realization that we have nothing in common but misery and bitterness.