Feel like crap?

ah, what you need is THE MEDICATION!

The Medication can make you more like the someone everyone expects you to be! Are you tired, worried, stressed, sore and/or lethargic? Do you sometimes have thoughts of using pointy objects to harm yourself or those around you? The Medication may just be the medicine for you!

Studies show that people who take The Medication in conjunction with other non-specified-self administered treatments, may start to feel and behave differently, this is a sign that The Medication is working! People close to you may notice that you are "Not yourself" or "Acting strange", and is also a sign that you're underlying "you-ness" is being suppressed, and that  The Medication is doing it's job.

Some moderate to severe side effects have been reported, including but not limited to; headache, dry mouth, loss of appetite, significant changes in weight, monobrow, insomnia, excessive sweating, changes in libido, tinnitus( ringing in ears), rash, itching, nausea, digestive upset, forgetfulness, loss of coordination, inability to concentrate, horrible irrational fear that you're about to die, unusual dreams, frequent urge to take on new projects/responsibility, lapse in judgement, brittle nails, hair loss, excess hair in unusual places, tingling and numbness in the extremities, and a general sense of apathy to the crises you're in at the moment.

The Medication may interact adversely with other drugs such as: topical treatments for fungus and eczema, you may wish to forgo treatment for those conditions in favor of the greater benefit of  The Medication.  The Medication has been known to cause moderate swelling of the brain, difficulty breathing, heart arrhythmia, internal bleeding, and splenic rupture. Talk to your doctor if you think you may be experiencing any of these symptoms; in most cases, the benefits of The Medication will far outweigh the bleeding to death you are experiencing.

Take The Medication as directed. Overdose of The Medication can cause vomiting, diarreah, bleeding from the eyes and ears, and may cause permanent blindness, deafness, paralysis or hospitalization or even death. Do not stop taking The Medication without advice from your doctor. Severe Discontinuation Syndrome has been know to cause sudden death in some patients. Occasionally, other drugs are used to slowly wean patients off of The Medication, however, use these with caution as they may become habit forming and will require The Medication to counter those effects.

Talk to your doctor today to see if The Medication is right for you! Your doctor will be compensated monetarily for prescribing The Medication. This incentive ensures that the people who need The Medication the most will recieve treatment.

Remember, why be yourself when The Medication can make you more like the person everyone expects you to be!

YAY! THE MEDICATION!

Ju$t*n B*eber is a bad word

I know a few posts ago I told you about the "Michael Jackson" incident, but I ended up having to further the ban on bad language in the house to include more than; Shit, F**k, Ass (and anything that includes the word), Bitch... those are pretty standard, but there were a few slightly less obnoxious words  that I was also really sick of hearing. The words Hate, Kill, Die, Destroy, Sex, Penis, Girlfriend, Michael Jackson, and finally, "Justinbieber". I am so sick of Justinbieber that it has now become an official swear word in my home. How do you like that!

** This is another oldie that I dug out of drafts. I wanted to share it with you. My son, ever the little Sheriff, will actually freak out on the other kids when they're here "NOOO You're not allowed to say that! You-know-who is a bad word!"

hahahahaha.

Throwing things.

It's been a rough winter for me. I've spent a great deal of time battling fatigue and trying to balance my life for the better. I've also lamented over my plight as a Stay at Home Mom, and terrorized anyone who would listen. It came to a head around Christmas time; I was exhausted, depressed, and feeling way overburdened and WAY under-appreciated, and there seemed to be no end in sight. 

The only solution I could come up with (other than voluntary lobotomy)- I had to go back to work. Sick of being broke, weary of ferrying children around, and overdone on the micromanaging, I thought the simple sanity of a regular nine-to-fiver would cure all my ills. My husband, Mr Man himself, was no help at all; "You need meds", and "You have to get rid of these kids" and, "You're miserable! Do something!" were just a few of the inspiring gems he would throw out there- I should mention the fact that from the end of November to the beginning of January, he went to work for a whopping 3 days. He was recovering from a surgery, and taking advantage of a slow spell at work he made up for all the lost time at home by rekindling his relationship with the sofa. So in addition to the 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and sometimes even 7 kids in the house, I had one rather large, often smelly, 38 year old INFANT to take care of. Oi, I get chest pain just thinking about it. Oh he tried to be supportive- he often remembered to keep his mouth shut when I got frustrated and shouted at the kids, and sometimes he would offer a special reminder elbow to push me out of bed when my 6am alarm went off and he didn't have to get up. He stayed out of my way in the mornings, often not getting out of bed to bother me until at least 1pm! Yes, I think I will have to leave him if he ever retires. 

So I broke the news to all the parents, who were all very understanding and sympathetic, and started mentally preparing myself for a return to the workforce. So "Yippee" I said to myself; "I can arrange after school care for Anthony, and find a daytime only job close to home... and get up early and farm my son out... and pick him up in the evening.... and go home and clean up and cook dinner.... and put my son to bed......" Oh, right, I remember this, and this is what some of the parents go through to bring their kids here. A whopping 3 hours a day with their kids so they can go to work every day and deal with stupid people for not enough money. Right. 

And how many parents would just kill to be able to be with their kids more? How many cupcake days at school do they miss out on? What am I doing? 

My own mother worked graveyard shift when I was a kid. There was no money to afford a sitter or after school programs. So she worked at night when my dad was (supposed to be) home, and took us to school, slept, picked us up, fed us, put us to bed, and headed back to work. She was not there for cupcake days either. Ask her now, and she'll tell you she would have given anything to be able to spend that time with us as kids. 

** I came back to this post today, I had stuck it in drafts sometime before we went on Vacation. After 2 weeks sitting on my arse in the sunshine and thinking....I have returned to life feeling slightly less awful about it. Slightly.

I'm still frustrated with my "role" in this family, I'm still avoiding some responsibilities, but I don't feel quite as crappy as I did. I needed a break.

I've since re-committed to taking all the kids, at least until the end of the summer, at which point we will revisit the issue. All the kids will be in school full days by then, and I should be able to find a job during school hours only. Then it's possible that I might keep going with the kids, but the schedules won't be as nuts. I had to ask for a bit more money from everyone, which they all gladly agreed to. And they all went out of their way to tell me what a big deal it was to have their kids come here. That helped a lot.

So, I'm important, I'm needed, I'm appreciated... If only by the people who pay me to take care of their kids, I am a pretty big freaking deal!

This Booze is for Looking At.

The Dusty Stash

I could walk up to you on the street and tell you that I think you have a drinking problem. You -assuming you're a "regular" person who might drink occasionally, and occasionally might drink too much- would look at me like I'm a fucking whack-job and say "No... I don't".

I could return with "Ah, well being in denial about your problem only proves to me, that you have a problem". I could also further qualify my claim with "See, I almost never drink, and certainly never to excess, and therefore, since your recreational drinking habits are not the same as mine, and, I am a much finer specimen of health and well-adjustedness (SNORT I just made up a word!), that must mean you have a problem".

At this point, you may consider inflicting harm on me, this self-righteous **** standing in front of you, trying to beat you to death with bad logic... anyone would understand...

I deal with this kind of crap on a regular basis from my DH and his family.  I can't seem to make them understand that there is a HUGE difference between me actually having some sort of problem and THEM having some sort of problem with ME.

I understand alcoholism. Who doesn't have "alcoholism in the family" somewhere? Everyone has fucking alcoholism in the family, just like everyone has Alzheimer's, Prostate Cancer, Obesity, Depression, ADHD.... Somewhere in every family, someone is screwed up with something.

Yes, I suffer from alcoholism. Not at my own hands though. I've watched chronic, excessive drinking destroy more than one person in my family. We're talking alcohol abuse that caused people abuse. Angry, slobbering, blind, raging drunks. I understand alcoholism. 

 What I don't understand is the pervasive philosophy on life where "I am better at this than you; if you're not doing LIFE like I am, you're doing it WRONG". I blame the internet.


It's not just my in-laws, religion is like this, same with politics... Sometimes it's me! I get irritated with people about their parenting, their relationships, their religious beliefs, their driving.... Sometimes I really believe that if they were "doing life" like I do, they'd be better off. But I don't waste my time terrorizing people with my beliefs- at least unless they want to know what I think!

So picture this scene - Cancun International Airport, busy Duty Free shop. DH and I are browsing and trying to decide what we'd like to take home with our booze allowance. Bear in mind that we have recently rehashed the drinking issue, and I have already decided that I will get my bottle and give it away.

DH "What are you getting?"
Me "I'm getting a bottle of Kahlua for Tara, what are you getting?"
DH "Well you might as well choose yourself since I'm not going to get any of it"
Me " What the Fu** is that supposed to mean?"
DH " Well, it means I'm going to buy a bottle of something, and when I go look for it for a drink, it will be gone"

** people are looking at us now.

Me " Oh, right, I forgot, your booze is 'for looking at'- so go pick your 'for looking at booze' and I'll get Tara a bottle of Kahlua and that's the end of it"
DH " Yes, of course, you're going to make something of it! Just pick whatever you want!"
Me " That's a trap and I know it! I'm going to pick something, and I'm going to go home and eventually drink it, and you're going to go look a couple months down the road and start picking on me if it's gone!"
DH " Oh for fu** sake!"
Me "Well it's TRUE! So which is it!?"

** ...we're getting a little louder now...

DH " What the hell are you talking about?!"
Me "Is this booze for drinking or is it for looking at? "
DH "Pick a fuc**ing bottle before I smack you"

ahh... Yes, it's a bloody wonder I don't have a drinking problem.


Did I pick what I wanted? Yes.
Do I have AN OUNCE of doubt that when it's gone he's going to have something to say about it? NO.
Did either of us "win"? NO.
Am I going to enjoy every last drop of that Captain Morgan Special Dark Jamaican Rum? You bloody bet I will!!



**** It is important that you readers understand, DH and I have been bickering, sniping, and posturing as a means of communication and power grabbing for over 11 years now; we're almost in the pros. No spouses or bystanders were harmed in the making of this public incident!

Hola, Buenas Dias, Dos Cerveza Por Favor, Gracias mi Amigo.

I felt kinda silly for not taking very many pictures on this trip, but all the while, we were at the same resort as last year, and I didn't see the sense in taking pictures of all the same things.

Anyway, here are some of the highlights...

The towel animals. I have had to take a picture of every towel animal on every vacation for the last 7 years. Also in this photo "Calvin" and "Buddy" and in the top right, "Balloon Dog".

I didn't join the boys on this excursion, but I hear tell there were Zip Lines, an Alligator Pit, caves and an underground river.

As you may have rightly deduced, I did not take any of the photos at Xplor...

all over the park they have cameras that are activated by computer chips inside your helmet! 

Before the pedicure...

My #1 son and his main squeeze ;)

The "yacht" (It was basically a slightly large boat... I had my hopes up for one of the BIG ones). They let us off at one point to snorkel, and I think they were trying to have us swept away by the crazy strong current so they could steal our kids and sell them... but they wouldn't have been able to sell our kids- I guarantee it!

After Pedicure :D

My two ragamuffins at the Cancun Airport... going home :(

It was a great trip. I really really needed to relax, and that's exactly what I did. I read a book a day (mostly trash), drank LOTS, and got some much needed sunshine- a little too much sunshine the one day, but it was totally worth it.

Next year I think we're going back to Hawaii. 

ALOHA!

Can you imagine?

Found this with Stumble Upon

http://www.menmakedinnerday.com/rules/index.php

And I couldn't help thinking (go read the "rules"), that the gratuitous praise and gushing were a little out of order. I mean, I already do ALL OF THAT on a daily basis. It's expected of me as the bloody wife. I don't  get "bonus points" for not calling for help, I don't get extra credit if I clean up as I go, and I certainly do not get any special allowances to "gloat" over the finished product. I'm lucky if anyone makes eye contact with me during the meal, and I consider it a special treat if anyone can even be bothered to clear  the table at the end of the meal! So SCREW YOU  "menmakedinner" people! What a waste of webspace!

How about National Men Do The Wife Work Week? How about Men Pick Up After Themselves Month? How about Men Remember to Appreciate Women More Than Once Or Twice A Year Year? I could totally get on board with that!

Here and gone

She would MURDER me if she knew I put this up :)

Yeah Mom, that's a PICTURE of YOU on the INTERNET!
We flew her up for the little birthday- I told my brother "Ok you go pick up Em, and then go stand by Mom, and I'll sneak a picture". That look she has right there is me gettin busted! So worth it.