I hate the way the snow squeaks at 40 below

mumble mutter condensible particulate matter...jet stream... BAH. (Hi Brucie)

Today I make it my mission (after I get the kids to the bus), to take pictures of the cold. I hate winter. I hate Christmas. And New Year stopped being fun after I was about 7. I was born the day before Summer Solstice, and wintertime, well, it just offends me.

So what the hell am I doing in Northern Alberta? Obviously, it's not for the weather, or for the terrific community planning. It's the bloody money, duh.

 Back to my miserable rant about the weather.

Most animals are asleep somewhere warm... not these guys. 

At -13 (current temp), there are still a few die-hard wackjobs out there jogging. Jogging! 
At -15, if you park your car outdoors and your vehicle is warm and it's snowing, the snow melts and re-freezes in a solid layer of ice all over. Your doors will be frozen shut, your windshield wipers will be stuck, and you may actually be forced to... (shudder) SCRAPE.
After about -28 (that's 18 degrees to my friends south of the border), the moisture in the air is totally gone. So instead of the crunch crunch sound, the snow makes a horrible squeaking noise, kind of like rubbing styrofoam packing pieces against a cardboard box. It sets my teeth on edge just thinking about it.

Sunrise 8:20 am (ish) overlooking the stupidest parking lot in the history of ever (Mac's in Eagle Ridge)

After that, there turns out to be no easily discernible difference in temperature. There comes a certain point in the cold where the difference in temperature means freezing to death is only a few seconds one way or the other.

On the flipside- there is nothing quite so satisfying as being the first to tromp through a snow covered field. Even if it has to effing squeak.

Uh, this is getting a little out of hand...

 

image credit

I have been openly mocking the hell out of my good friend Ria for months. She is a "Twihard" (twi-TARD). Every chance I get I post funny cartoons to Facebook, I tease her in person regularly... Once, I mocked her in a text message; "Sorry" I said, "I'm Team Buffy".

My aversion to the whole "Twilight Experience" began when I had the acute displeasure of seeing the first movie on a flight to somewhere, but I hadn't bought headphones. I stared at the screen and marveled at how poor Bella couldn't stop twitching, and poor Edward suffered over her apparent stench. I couldn't for the life of me understand what all the fuss was about! I was determined that the Twilight Saga Bandwagon would pass me by. (Yes, another "bandwagon" thing- do you know I've never seen Titanic?)

Finally, after constant pestering, I accepted the loan of the novels from Ria. I decided I'd give my friend five pages, just five, and I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't return the collection smelling of vomit. I cracked the first cover Friday night before bed, and now at 5:30 pm on Tuesday, I've just finished the last book.

Damnit I'm ruined. I lost sleep this weekend. Up in the wee hours with the lamp on in the spare room, leaving my bewildered husband to shiver in an empty bed; I tore through the pages, reading until my eyes burned with fatigue. I carried it with me to wait for the kids at the bus stop. I hated to leave the house at all if I couldn't go somewhere to sit and read in peace. What's wrong with me? Is my own little life so dull and empty of romance and adventure that Twilight can take me away so easily? Of all the crazy things.

I look at my sweet husband now, and find myself slightly disappointed. He doesn't sparkle at all. I've been bitten and now there's no going back. Un-Fu**ing-Believable.