Here and gone

She would MURDER me if she knew I put this up :)

Yeah Mom, that's a PICTURE of YOU on the INTERNET!
We flew her up for the little birthday- I told my brother "Ok you go pick up Em, and then go stand by Mom, and I'll sneak a picture". That look she has right there is me gettin busted! So worth it.

Until the Sh*t Hits the Fan

Victilly? Biltoria? Whatever. In spite of the fact that they don't have an iota of chemistry as a TV couple, I totally, totally LOVE Billy and Victoria (Abbott). Of course, it helps that Billy is just freaking dreamy. I have such a soft spot for their Romeo and Juliet predicament, and the way Billy would do anything for her, anything... even buy a baby off the black market... 


Oh, yes, I'm holding my breath. You see, last year, the maniac Daisy drugged Douchy Romallotti, had her icky, creepy way with him, and showed up a month ago ready to burst with this "love child", which turned out to be his for sure by way of DNA testing (the best thing to ever happen to the Soap world). Aaaaaanyway, Daisy managed to scam her way out of jail (she landed there the minute she got back into town for the crap she pulled before she left), and into Douchy's care. She faked her labor, escaped, Douchy found her, delivered the baby for real, clobbered Douchy over the head, abandoned the baby in a church, and ran for Canada. Oh I could go on with the back story, but that would take days. Suffice it to say, in a roundabout way, Sweet sweet Billy bought that baby from a black market "adoption facilitator", and brought her home to Victoria, who reluctantly accepted this unusual gift.

Sigh.

The next episode teaser show's Douchy's mom, Phyllis, standing in Billy's living room asking "where did you get that baby?". It's only a matter of time before someone puts 2+5(864*3)-5 together, and figures out that it's really Douchy and Daisy's baby and this will probably be the undoing of Victilly, and will definitely break Victoria's heart... Best case scenario, years will go by and no-one will ever find out until the new baby Newman-Abbott is all grown up and away at boarding school (where all good soap kids go). I can't get enough of Biltoria, and I'm already mourning in anticipation of the disaster to come.

Aren't you glad you have a day job?

Are you guarana finish that drink?

I will stay awake. I will make your breakfast and pack your lunch. I will get all the kids to the bus and to school on time. I will get my niece to nap, and get lunch on the table and pick the big kids up on time and catch up on the laundry and make dinner and help the child with his homework... I will do all these things, and when you give me that look when I stagger past you in front of the TV on my way to bed at 8pm, I will pretend not to notice, I will be asleep when you come up,  and I will get up at 6 tomorrow morning and do it all over again. You're welcome.

The ones that I took the gimpy elastic out of and had to use a safety pin to make them stay up.

"If a bulb dies in the kitchen, and there is no one to make a sound, does it get changed?"

The scenario- There is a light burned out in the kitchen; it's pretty obvious, and will make cooking for everyone this afternoon kind of a pain in the ass.

What to do? Light bulbs are not my department, so it certainly won't be me up there changing it.

Possible outcome # 1) He gets up and notices on his own and changes it. Whenever he does this, I make sure to lavish him with praise and tell him what a sexy manly man he is.

#2) He does not notice, and I have to ask him to change it. After several reminders (nagging), and pointing out that we have company coming, he gets up and changes it. *note that it will depend on whether the company is people I've invited or it's his family, if it were the latter, he would already be up, changed the light bulb, shoveled the walk, cleaned the living room... but since it wasn't his idea to invite people over, it's not important to him.

#3) The most likely turn of events (based on historical data); I will ask, then nag, then insist that he gets up there and changes the light bulb. He will become immovable, maybe ask why I don't do it myself, possibly point out "well, I'm not the one who invited a bunch of people over". And when said people arrive, one of the guys will hop up there and change it for me. Of course this makes him even more resentful, but it satisfies me just fine; I just wanted it done.

I'll let you know how it goes.


***update***
So he noticed it on his own, but I think we're supposed to wait until they all burn out? He talked about replacing the kitchen pot-lights and eventually the rest with CFLs, but he didn't change it. I artfully avoided mentioning the matter to any of my guests last night, as, other than the bulb issue, he was somewhat helpful through the day. He did shovel the walk without being told, and he came with me to do the shopping, and even helped with some of the prep-work for dinner. So... I'm still cooking in the dark.

Recovery

Frost in the Bus Shelter

8:16 pm Thursday evening- I'm sitting here sipping my sensibly, sans-caffeine tea, waiting for the not-my-monsters to get picked up. The PVR is full of recorded programs from this week and last; I haven't watched them, I've been busy sleeping at night instead. What a novel concept! Sleeping! At night! 

The horrible slump I was in leading up to (and including) the holidays is slowly lifting. I have a thing or two to look forward to, the weather (today especially), has been unseasonably, uh, "tolerable", and with the help of a sugar-free Rock Star drink for breakfast every day this week (oh don't even go there), I've been able to stay awake all day! 

This doesn't necessarily mean I haven't wanted to live in pajamas all week, and spend my mornings snoozing on the couch, and stay up until 2 am watching Star Trek movies- No, I still feel like crap, I'm super stupid tired all day, but at least after forcing myself to stay awake for the whole 15 hour stretch, I can hardly wait to get to bed, and there's not a single TV program that can convince me otherwise. 

It's the time of year where everyone makes all these great, healthy resolutions, and then shamelessly breaks them, because that's what resolutions are for apparently. I didn't make any, not consciously anyway. But I've been unbearably miserable for the last several months, maybe even longer. I don't know if this is going to work, or maybe I'll have a major MI from all the ginseng and guarana, but at the moment, I feel somewhat "normal".

I've got my Kitchen Mojo back along with my new and improved outlook (ha ha). I've been inventing and experimenting and having some pretty happy success. I know the boys appreciate it- even though it would apparently kill them to say so. The cleaning ladies are going to have a bloody cow when they come back, I tell you what! I'd like to think my "Housekeeping Mojo" is going to return as well, but then I remember, I never had any of that to begin with!

I don't know where any of this is going, but I'd like to speculate that I will start to feel better soon. Well enough at least to be more fun to be around, and for the day-to-day stuff to seem less impossible. Yes, less impossible would be fine :)

Feel No Pain

(the plastic hillbilly teeth were a nice touch)

Another year gone by, and what do I have to show for it? 10 more pounds, enough grey hair that I don't get ID'd anymore, and a sense of bitterness surpassed only by my lack of desire to get up off my arse and do anything to change it. How sad is that?

Last month I "celebrated" 3 anniversaries. The first, was our 10th wedding anniversary. Ten whole years married to my DH. I find it unsurprising that I can average my weight gain to 10 lbs a year for those 10 years, and not wonder how that came about. If I'm overweight, I'm "Un-Sexy", and if I'm unsexy, I can't be made to wonder what life outside "this" is like. Fat is safety. I did stupid things and had a great deal of fun when I was not fat; therefore, I shall be fat and sensible and boring. Aren't those the best reasons ever?

December also marked the first year in our new home. (and the actual birthday of the home). The house itself is shifting and settling; we've noticed that the upstairs bathroom door drags on the tile in the summer, and opens easily in the winter, and that if the monsoons in the summer are bad enough, the water collects at the man-door to the garage, and runs straight through to the bay doors in the back. We have some drywall repair to do as some of the screws are backing out and making little bumps in the paint. One whole year since we moved in, and there's still some unpacking to do! I'm afraid that if I finally unpack the very last things, we'll have to move. 

And finally, last month was the end of one entire year since I quit my job. I have been a stay-at-home mom for 12 months, and probably the last 11 of those months I have spent struggling to come to terms with the fact that I really suck at it. I don't have a single supermom bone in my body. That's not to say that I can't fake it, it just takes a great deal of effort. Trouble is, I have now made commitments to other working moms, and would feel horrible shame if I had to let them down. So I've decided to hold out for the rest of the school year, and spend some of the summer hooliganting around, and then... back to work. Besides, even if I went back to work tomorrow, I would have nothing to wear! 

I think if I had to claim one single resolution this year, it would truly be to stop kicking myself for the choices I've made. To own up to my life and say "this is mine, I made it this way, and I like it just fine". I have nobody to blame for my situation, and really, why should I? I am truly blessed! I have a hardworking husband, who busts his ass and makes my staying home an option, I have a terrific son who is loving and smart and at least moderately well adjusted, I have a beautiful home to fill with friends and family and laughter and mess... I have   all my arms and legs and senses intact. Not everybody can claim all the things on that list, which makes me extremely fortunate. 

So today, this minute, I am satisfied. 

Happy New Year.