Good McMorning to you

My grandmother used to say “Red sky at night, sailor’s delight. Red sky at morning, Sailor take warning”. I suppose this only applies to living on the water, but I think this to myself every time I see a red dawn like this. There are an awful lot of red dawns here, which means that I am thinking about my grandmother an awful lot. I don’t have a hundred words for how I feel at the moment. A hundred isn’t enough.

Coldplay.

A warning sign, I missed the good part, and I realized, you were an island, and I passed you by, you were an island to discover. Come on in, I’ve got to tell you what a state I’m in, I’ve got to tell you in my loudest tone, that I started looking for a warning sign. And the truth is, that I missed you, yeah the truth is, I missed you so. And I’m tired, I should not have let you go. So I crawled back into your open arms, yeah I crawled back into your open arms…98, 99, 100.

Making up for it (no post yesterday)

So we’re all sitting at the kitchen table and the kids are playing in the living room, when The Man comes in the back yard. I look out the window and he stops at the corner of the walkway, slowly gets down and flops on the grass. The dog is jumping all over him and he’s petting her and just lying there on the lawn like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Considering he hates the dog, and being outside makes him itchy, I know this is anything but “natural”.  Eventually he gets up and comes into the house, and I ask him what he was doing; “did you fall down?” “Are you high or something?”. He replies that he hasn’t had a chance to lie on the grass all summer and it just looked so nice he had to try.  One of the kids pipes up with “WE THOUGHT YOU WAS DEAD BUT WE SAW’D YOUR BELLY MOVING SO WE KNOWED YOU WASN’T DEAD”.  After the spontaneous refrigerator cleanout and the pothole filling in the driveway, I’m starting to wonder whether I’m dead and maybe this is as close to heaven as I’m ever going to get.

Pooetry. Not a misspell.

Moonlight and shadows
Softly together
Like lovers
Moving
Against each other
Silently, slowly
In the night

And the small child walks in to ask “Mom, what are you writing?”  To which I reply, “None of your damn business, sit down and eat your breakfast”

Sniffle, slurrp, cough, and he cranes his head around to peek at the monitor. I would like to poke him in the eye. And the dog starts barking outside, and my coffee is cold, and I look at the clock for the fortieth time and I wonder; will I ever be free? And that’s bad poetry.

weary, bleary, dreary

What, have I been acting a little dark and dreary for you? Don’t get me wrong, my existence isn’t all that bleak. I’m just a little short sighted and a lot tired.  Some people complain that there aren’t enough hours in a day. Hm, there are plenty of hours in the “day”… I want to add about 6 to the night! At least 2-3 to the beginning so I can go be a grownup and ease the stress, and then another 3 before morning so I can get some bloody SLEEP! I would give anything to feel rested for once.

Replaceable.

There is no winning. There is nobody to do this for me when I can’t. So I must always be the one. When I fail, or just can’t get up that one more time, I have to get up and do it anyway. There are some days when I would love to be replaceable. Maybe I am. What if I just didn’t get up. Who would really suffer? Maybe they would suddenly realize that they could manage without me! Would I count that as a success? Would anybody thank me for all I gave? Would I rejoice in becoming obsolete?

Date Night

I love date night. We get a chance to get out and do something “grown up”, not worry about what time we get home. It’s a chance to get our minds off everything that’s going on, everything that’s going horribly wrong. We can pretend we’re happy and just enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes we go to the movies, sometimes we go to dinner- I remember once, we sent the kid out to sleep over, and we just stayed home. The best part about date night is the fighting. The realization that we have nothing in common but misery and bitterness.

Little by Little.

Sometimes I take my socks off by pushing down into the carpet and quickly skidding my foot back; the carpet holds onto the sock and my foot slides out. It doesn’t work with all the socks, but I like it. I know you hate it. I don’t know why you hate it, maybe it’s just because it’s silly and you hate me for having fun. So I keep doing it every chance I get, whether you’re there to disapprove or not. Every time I do it, I think of you and I’m glad you hate it. It makes me happy.

Esprit d'escalier

We were arguing about his morning schedule. It seems that whenever he could be helpful, his schedule would conveniently change to make it impossible. I said “oh so I guess you’re of no use to me whatsoever”, to which he replied “ well, that’s turnabout for you”.

It was all I could do not to throw something at his fat head. I’m usually pretty bitchy in the morning, but this time, I was off my game. So I did what I knew would dig it in for him. I said “Have a great day honey” and I walked the fuck away.

Cliche-aphor.

The dense fog cast the world in a surreal light. Shapes only took form as I moved towards them in the quiet dawn. My footsteps were muted as I made my way down the sidewalk, and I fancied for awhile that perhaps there was nothing beyond the fog at all; it was only coming into existence by the grace of my presence.  As the morning light grew stronger, so too it seemed did the fog. I could actually see it swirling about my feet as I moved through it.  I was lost then, forever, to the mercy of the mist.

ninety nine, ninety eight, ninety seven... I'm not counting the title :)

This relationship is not balanced. You like me way more than I like you, and I don’t know how to explain that. Makes me feel like a total dickhead. When the phone rings and I know it’s you, I cringe and let it ring awhile before I answer it- or I wait and make myself call you back later. Betcha think this post is about you don’t you! Well, it’s probably not. More likely, it’s about you and everybody else! I wonder whether each of us has a limited amount of compassion to use for friendship and other such stuff.

100 words today... and maybe even tomorrow

*a little about this project. I've taken it on a few times over the last several years. There's even a website to do this, but they expect you to really commit to this if you want to maintain the membership. It's 100 words, on any topic- I do it for no particular reason other than it's good brain exercise :)

So, for today...


I used to be good at this. At things in general. Now I just seem to get by. I came across a website today where I could send myself an email now and It would be delivered one year from now. I started, and foundered. I couldn’t think of a single thing worth saying to my “year from now” self. I can’t think past tomorrow.  My days run together and the future means nothing beyond “which kids do I have next week”, and shit, I have to go to the store. Someday maybe I won’t be so bloody, bloody, tired.

So there. That was 100.